We're going through a stage in our household.
I don't know how it started and personally I'm not a big fan of it.
Sometimes you wouldn't notice, but sometimes it rears it's ugly head. Big time.
Sometimes you wouldn't notice, but sometimes it rears it's ugly head. Big time.
This "stage" was a fear of mine a decade ago when realizing I would someday marry Derek. When thinking of our future, my visions would roll down the years when we had children. Due to the differences in our personalities and temperaments I knew I would unfortunately be more of the 'disciplinary' parent. I had discussions upon discussions with Derek about how I refused to be the bad cop while he reaps the rewards of being the good cop someday. I must admit that he's been doing a good job trying to stay consistent with me and backing me up. I thought we were on the same level with how we were with Drew.
But then I noticed I was wrong. Somewhere along the lines, things have changed and now Drew asks for daddy when he wakes up, when we get home and when I'm putting him down for bed. I don't think I've been harder on him when he acts up than Derek has, but maybe I have. These questions then begin my internal struggle. Do I lighten up and face the consequences with Drew getting his way more? Do I start this discussion with Derek yet again? Maybe it's just a phase and I should stay consistent?
I was raised with two parents who were always on the same page and disciplined together. They never faltered and I could never go behind the other ones' back in order to get around punishment. I was rarely spanked as facing timeouts and being grounded were more my parents cup of tea. I liked that route and it's always how I envisioned our style with our children. And it's not like Drew needs "disciplined" yet, I'm more talking about when he throws food, or hits the dogs. Little things like that that simply need to be addressed before they get out of hand.
In reality, I'm hoping it's just the phase. Actually, I'm wishing and praying it's just a phase as it breaks my heart. Waking my sweet, sleeping little man up to go to school and his first question is "where is daddy?" crushes my insides and brings my stomach into my throat. Sure he's excited to see me when I pick him up from school, but the daddy questions start almost before we're out the door. As his mother, I want to be his world, but I feel the "mommy and son bond" is turning more towards the "daddy and son bond".
Advice, suggestions and similar stories all welcome during this rough time for me! I hate more than anything NOT being the preferred parent!
Hey Sarah, it's Melanie. Don't worry, this is DEFINITELY just a phase! Aurora does this too, only in reverse. Gabe always gets her up in the morning, but suddenly she started demanding "Daddy, go get mommy" & won't let him even walk in the room until I go in. And HE is the LESS-disciplinary parent! So go figure. The first time she did this was right before she turned 2, & it just went away after awhile- we never figured out exactly how/why. Now that she's doing it again, we're making sure he gets to take her places just the 2 of them, like the grocery store or the park. That really seems to help. So be patient & don't take it personally- it will pass. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is most definitely a phase. A daddy/son date night may make it a bit easier. My son and husband have a huge, unbreakable bond, sports, superheros, etc bond them together for life, but it's true what they say about a son and his momma.
ReplyDeleteI am at home with my kids full time, so my kids both went through phases where I was old news, and they really seemed to prefer Daddy. He's more fun, he's not home with them as much, he rough houses and tickles and is so much FUN! But they both did go back to the momma phase and they haven't snapped out of it yet! :)
I always say to stay consistent with discipline. At his age, a "no no" and small consequences should do the trick, diverting him away from the unwanted behavior. I would definitely have a conversation with your hubby though if you think that he isn't being consistent. Kids pick up VERY quickly on who will give in to them and you don't want to allow them to manipulate it! :)
Good luck!! This being a mommy is hard work!
I think it has to do with the fact that Drew might be around you more - Daddy is a novelty. Harrison fluctuates back and forth between us. He's on a big mommy kick now. But Adam tries to take him to the park just the two of them to hopefully build that bond. It will change. Don't worry!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emily. I think it has to do with Drew being around you more too. Natalie is only 10 months and she already prefers my husband over me. It's weird and it just began out of nowhere recently. I literally have to pry her out of his arms to hold her. I honestly kinda like it, that means I get a break when he gets home. That being said, if she were Drew's age and could talk then it might hurt me to hear her ask for him when it's just the two of us too. I don't think you should take it personally, though I know that is hard. I do think it's just a phase. Just remember that Drew is so so lucky to have two adoring parents in his life who care for him and who he can count on. Try not to be too upset over this!
ReplyDeleteI'd have to say the opposite of Emily and Sean has happened in our experience. Chloe is a daddy's girl through and through, and she went through a phase that lasted a few weeks that any time he would leave the room, even if I was sitting right next to her, she would cry and run over to the gate until he got back. I feel like it's because she is with him all the time that their bond has grown so strong, which is great, but it sucks for me when I feel like she wants him more than me. I totally get how you feel, and it does hurt, but I guess on the flip side we have to be so grateful that we have spouses so devoted to our kids and that have such a great bond. Next month you will probably be the only one he wants. And then flip flop again, and again. And I am more the disciplinary parent too, and I'm just waiting to be the "bad cop." No fun at all!
ReplyDeleteI think this is totally normal for little boys! My son just loves his daddy - and I can't blame him! We spend all day together and daddy is like a fun play-thing when he walks in the door from work in the evenings. I don't think it has a thing to do how you're parenting him and you shouldn't let it bother you so much. You two will always have a special bond!
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna agree with the masses. Daddy is a novelty. We get that with my mom. It's all about Mommy until Grammy is around. Grammy watches her on Fridays and on Fridays its all about Grammy. It made me cry at first, but now I've grown to love it. :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck though. I know I'd feel the exact same way as you.
I fear this same thing. I will DEFINATELY be the disciplinarian in our household and I also fear that Carter will prefer Justin over me. Thankfully we're not there just yet (he's only 10 months). Keep blogging about this issue though. Would love to find out it's just a phase!! Boys always love their mommas :)
ReplyDeleteOh yes, my husband and I JUST had this conversation last night. Whenever my husband is home I feel like I'm always the disciplinarian and he gets to be the fun parent. And our daughter is the BIGGEST daddy's girl. Which I love, but at the same time it can be so frustrating. I do agree that part of it is that Avery is with me all day and when she finally gets to see her dad it's the best part of her day. No advice, I just know what you are going through!
ReplyDeleteI can understand how this is upsetting. I don't necessarily think it's a discipline thing, although it could be. But in our house, I'm the stricter parent, and I'm also the "preferred" parent. Noah always wants me in the morning when he wakes up, before he goes to bed, if he gets hurt, if we're going somewhere, etc. He's also much better behaved for me than for my husband (I think THAT is definitely a discipline thing).
ReplyDeleteWe've had phases in our house where Daddy was a big fat zero as far as Noah was concerned. But usually he loves him. I'm sure this is a phase that will blow over. I hope it is, for your sake, because I can totally understand that it breaks your heart.
My bets are on a phase ;) Sam asks for Daddy when I get him up, and asks for Mommy when Craig gets him up. They tend to want what isn't there...that's my belief anyways. Stick to your gut instincts, you're doing a great job so far! I'm sure there will be a day when Drew tells you he loves his daddy more, but try to remember that is his way of pushing your buttons. Kids are great at that! But if they weren't doing it, I think there would be more of a concern.
ReplyDeleteHey Sarah! I don't know how many times I could have written this exact post! Having a boy can be hard! You definitely have to make sure you guys are on the same page because if your not he will pick up on that! It's happened with us. Jax will ask me for something and when I say no he will march right over to daddy and ask him! Makes me so mad! But regardless it's always a work in progress. Drew is awesome and you guys are great parents! I've made sure there are certain mommy and son activities that we do together so I don't feel so left out when all he wants to do is play baseball with daddy or watch football with daddy. I've learned to not take it personal when Jax doesn't want me because at least he is loved and safe and I know that Steven will do anything to make him happy and protected just like I do. I know that you guys are the same it shows because Drew is such an amazing kid. I know we don't get to see him very much but he just glows with love and happiness in all of the pictures that I see of you guys. I hope this helps and hope you guys are having a wonderful fall! Talk to you soon, Krystal
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah! stopping by my first time! My little guy is definitely a mommy's boy and I've dealt with the other side of things. Heartbreak for my husband who soo would love some more attention from his son. After a lot of work (he's 3.5) we are finally starting to get there. The last two nights he wanted daddy to cuddle/rock him at night instead of me. Part of me was sad, but the other part of me was soo happy that he finally is wanting his daddy! ((hugs)) for you as you go through this challenging time!
ReplyDeletewhen my kids wanted dad that was fine fine with me... I turfed them right off.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace the bad cop role. It will help you in the future! My dad was the bad guy and when he left my brother walked all over my mom because she caved too much!
ReplyDeleteJust make sure you throw in some extra goodness and lovings with the kiddo! This is what I do. I don't mind being the bad guy if it means when I tell him something he listens!! But I also think it's a phase. My kiddo loves his daddy. I think mainly because I'm here all day with him while Tom is away. :)