There will always be a debate among new mothers. Working mothers say stay-at-home moms are crazy for wanting to be at home all day and stay-at-home moms say that working mothers are crazy for not wanting to be with their children. Some people find the decision difficult and others have always known what they wanted.
Personally, I was very open-minded about the situation, but knew ultimately I would most likely continue working. Derek and I agreed that we would see how maternity leave went and make a decision after those 13 weeks. The first few weeks I was an emotional wreck. The ups and downs were extreme and I said no way was I going to be a stay-at-home mom. But then there would be the most perfect week in which I would say there was no way I would ever leave him for 9-10 hours at a time. After this cycle continued for a few months, I decided that I would rather work and provide more for Drew's future. Do I regret this decision at times? Of course. Knowing Drew is changing daily and I'm missing seeing those changes is a difficult notion to swallow. There are times when work is so stressful and I long to just be in bed napping or playing alongside my little man. For now though, working is the winning option for me.
Personally, I was very open-minded about the situation, but knew ultimately I would most likely continue working. Derek and I agreed that we would see how maternity leave went and make a decision after those 13 weeks. The first few weeks I was an emotional wreck. The ups and downs were extreme and I said no way was I going to be a stay-at-home mom. But then there would be the most perfect week in which I would say there was no way I would ever leave him for 9-10 hours at a time. After this cycle continued for a few months, I decided that I would rather work and provide more for Drew's future. Do I regret this decision at times? Of course. Knowing Drew is changing daily and I'm missing seeing those changes is a difficult notion to swallow. There are times when work is so stressful and I long to just be in bed napping or playing alongside my little man. For now though, working is the winning option for me.
I was reading about a study that was published in the December issue of the Journal of Family Psychology. Essentially, it said that mothers
who have jobs are healthier than those who are not employed, at least when
their children are very young. Working mothers in the study were less depressed and
reported better overall health than
moms who stayed at home with their young children. The study discussed how stay-at-home moms are more socially isolated than working moms, which might
increase their chances of being depressed. I struggled to place myself on either side of this point as I work from home and am definitely socially isolated. There are days when I yearn to be in an office again and enjoy all the benefits of being surrounded by fun, entertaining peers. Don't get me wrong though. As I've mentioned before, there are perks to working from home, and I'm thankful I have this opportunity. That being said, when I know my co-workers are enjoying the annual scavenger hunt around the town, having fun pranking others, or playing ping-pong on a break, I get a pang of annoyance as I work quietly with my sleeping dog at my side.
Per the report also, stay-at-home
moms might also be under more stress as a result of being at home with their
children all day. The study did elude to the fact that their stress could be relieved a bit when their children
start school, and that the link generally disappeared when children entered
preschool. I can see this and have always told my stay-at-home mom friends that I admire them. Being a parent to young children takes a lot of energy and attention. You can't leave their side for even 60 seconds or they'll find a piece of plastic to eat or a door to jam their fingers in. It's non-stop (except for naps!) and stressful work.
I don't know how my decision will affect Drew and I might never know. I'm sure some mothers out there think I'm selfish and non-maternal for wanting to work. Most of all, I just hope Drew doesn't think I'm abandoning him everyday, or wanting to be apart from him. I hope he'll understand that I did it so that we could do and see more as a family. I hope he realizes the BEST part of my day is the 5pm ride to daycare and that I can't wait for weekends together.
This choice to work is the right one for me. I am a working mother and proud to be one.
I too am a working mom. I think it helped me going back to work because 1) I didn't really have a choice financially, and 2) JJ gets to stay home with Chloe 3 or 4 days a week. When you work from home, is your little guy at daycare? I can see some of the points the article was making, and I was told by someone to work now when the baby won't remember and possibly give yourself the option to stay home once they get older, so you can pick them up from school, help with homework, that sort of thing. I thought that was pretty good advice.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that we will always second guess our decisions when it comes to raising our children. I see a lot of competition among parents, especially mothers, when discussing kids. Maybe the competition is there to validate those though decisions? I have finally, just recently, been able to let go of that competition and focus on what is best for US as a family. After all, we are just trying to survive parenthood, so why can't we all just root for one another? I was a daycare baby and I never remember thinking that my mom was abandoning me. As much as I love staying home with Sam, most of the time, we both need time apart from one another and that is why I enrolled him in Moms Morning Out. I never planned on being a stay at home mom but with the timing of me starting grad school and him coming into this world, it just made sense for me to quit my job. Do I regret that decision? No, not at all. Do I miss working? Yes, sometimes I miss the freedom of it. But overall, I made the best decision for Sam and for us as a family. We have fun together, I am able to study when he naps, and I take pride in being his "teacher." There are benefits that Sam will have of being a kid who has a stay at home mom just as there are benefits Drew will have of going to daycare. You made the decision that was best for y'all as a family. Being a happy mom is the best mom for Drew!
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard decision for all of us, I think you feel guilty either way- staying home or going back to work. I decided to stay home and I never thought it would be this hard!!
ReplyDeleteSarah, you balance motherhood and working beautifully. When I reflect on my childhood, I don't think about my parents working...I think about Friday night basketball games with my family when my dad was coaching, I think about my dance lessons, I think about family trips over the summer. All things that are possible when you have parents who work.
ReplyDeleteI love your post. These are thoughts I have all the time! I've chosen work due to financial reason. We enjoy the lifestyle we have and I could be staying home but we'd really have to budget. I still hope to stay home at some point, maybe when we have a third someday and my older two are in school. I figure when my older two are in school, I'd be able to participate in their classrooms.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. This has been a big discussion on the blogs and Twitter recently. I'm a working mama...I chose this because I went to grad school for far too long to get my doctorate to stay at home. If I could I think I would be at home more with Savannah - but not full time. I love my job (well most days) and I feel like it makes me a better mama and person. I do miss her like crazy though. Especially when I am helping other children, I feel guilty I'm not at home with her:-)
ReplyDeleteI still struggle with this - it's hard!! I'm glad you feel okay with your decision, and that's what is important!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I think we all have to support other moms and stop criticizing and judging each other. Different things work for different families at different times. I have been a stay-at-home, work-from home, work full time...and a few other choices. It's time for us to be kind to ourselves and realize we are doing the best we can.
ReplyDelete