1.27.2014
What Exactly Is a Best Friend?
As I've grown older and wiser (ok maybe not so much wiser), I have learned a lot about friendships. How they evolve, how they fade away, how they become stronger and how to know if it's a quality friend or not. I have found myself saying 'my best friend' when referring to more than one person depending on the subject and it's confusing. Over the past year, as Derek and I have made new friends and our lives continue to change, I have thought a lot about this terminology.
What exactly is a 'best friend'? According to Webster, the definition of a best friend is 'the one friend who is closest to you'.
But do we have to have just one? Doesn't it depend on what aspect of life you're talking about? And does 'close' refer to knowledge, proximity, comfort level, or what?
Is a best friend.....
- the person you'd most like to see everyday for the rest of your life?
- the friend you text most days every week about every random subject possible?
- the friend who you rarely see that often, but when you finally do get to see them, it's like nothing has ever changed and you cherish every second?
- the friend with whom you have known the longest in your life and have the most history with?
- the newest friend who you have had the most face to face time over the past few months and know you'll be friends forever?
- the friend who you met, became immediate buddies with and can discuss the most TMI-filled subjects with?
For me, obviously the first bullet would refer to Derek. But let's take husbands out of the picture as they are obviously our best friends in the long run. Once he's out of the picture, I would have a different girlfriend for each of the other bullets above and thus leaves me confused.
To me, a best friend is someone who will be there to support me and pick me up when I'm down, someone who I can trust and laugh with, tell me to suck it up when needed, be honest even if I don't want to hear it and most importantly just someone that I enjoy being around. Several of my girlfriends fit that mold, so why should I box just one out and say they are my 'best' one?
It was a struggle when we moved to Cleveland 4 years ago not knowing a single soul in the city. Working from home made it almost impossible to make new friends and for the first year here, it was really just Derek and I. My hometown 'best friends' moved on in other cities without me and I felt left out. (It's hard to foster a friendship when you're 20 hours away, but at the same time, that's how you could tell who was going to be a real friend for life!) Anyway, by focusing on my family and being happy with my life, I made some wonderful friends up here and wouldn't change our path for anything. Does that mean, though, that I'll never have one true 'best friend'? Maybe, or maybe it just means I have several BFFs?!?
How do you define your best friend? Do you feel you have different best friend depending on the situation?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
My best friend has been my best friend since high school. We are both at completely different stages in life but we still make it work. I have a very hard time opening up to other women, and the one time I did while in NC I got burned, so I usually just stay away.
ReplyDeleteLove this post, makes you think about those who are important in your life. I think a best friend is someone who even if you can't see or talk to them everyday, when you do, you leave off like you've never been apart. I'm lucky to have a handful of ladies like this and love any time I get to spend with them!
ReplyDeleteThese are the most important things to focus on in a best friend. And who better to meet all those requirements than your husband? Mine was my best friend before we started dating...and I always use the term "best bud" with him because its the truth. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this! I think we can have a TON of best friends. I have several best friends and they each fit a different 'mold'.
ReplyDeleteLove this! I have multiple best friends too and can think of a different person for each of those bullets too.
ReplyDeleteI have several best friends as well: one I've known since junior high and was my maid of honor but she lives in WV; one I work with and see daily; one I don't see incredibly often but we're always there for each other; and others as well. It's interesting how some friendships change, but how some will remain forever.
ReplyDeleteI really like this post because as we age and grow some friends for different molds, and I think that is totally ok!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! And knowing you personally and how friendly and awesome you are, I totally get why you'd have so many BFFs! :)
ReplyDeleteI love this and totally agree! Most of my friends are up in Cleveland, but I can't say that any one of them is 100% my BFF. Each one fills a different spot. I can relate to how you feel with meeting new friends. When I moved to Mansfield I didn't know anybody :( I worked at a very small bank before moving on to work with my husband (office of 3-4 people). It has been extremely hard to make friends around here especially since I work full time. Over the last couple of years I have been lucky to become pretty good friends with a couple ladies that Mic either went to school with or is the wife of a high school friend. Otherwise 10 years later I am still kind of a loner :(
ReplyDeleteBest friends reveal themselves when you are going through a struggle I think. Not because of how THEY react to my struggle necessarily.......but because I think to myself "who can I really trust with this information about myself?.....who will really help me?......who will keep my secrets?" and my inner circle gets whittled down pretty fast. There are only a few people in my life that truly have that inner circle status. I have several great friends, but when it comes down to true trustworthiness and support, there are only a few that I trust with my whole being......and those few are truly like family to me.
ReplyDeleteThis is really interesting...I also have people that fit into all of those categories- they are all valuable for different reasons. But now you've got me thinking!! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is such a thought provoking question…
ReplyDeleteI have a life-long best friend. A high-school best friend. A college-best friend. Each of them is the best in their own way. Each offers something the others may not be able to.
While I have several friends and acquaintances, there are just a select few who really make the cut when it comes to my biggest secrets, fears, worries, failures, and triumphs.
This is such a great post! For me a best friend is so hard to define because I have been hurt by people I thought were good friends. I tend to stay very guarded.
ReplyDeleteI totally get where this post is coming from! I always think of a best friend as the friend I can trust the most and whom acts like I am also important in their lives. My old best friend has like fallen off the face of the earth. I'm sick of trying with her. I now have a friend and we've just grown so close. I'd definetly classify her as my best friend but we've never used that term before!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget your brother. I think he fits the category of a best friend you could tell anything to and totally depend on. Otherwise, it is my experience, and you've hit on it, that there is NOT just 1 definition of 'best friend'. I have had best friends at every stage of life and yet, many of us have 'moved on' as our life experiences or even location changed. I agree with a lot of the comments here - I had best friends in grade school, others in high school, yet others when I left my hometown for college, then still different ones in my career. Yet time melts away and I can still 'connect as best friends' with a few when we do get together. It's a bonus if you stay connected or even reconnect with even one 'best friend' from your past as you get older. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other's gold."
ReplyDeleteI think about this often. I have lots of best friends. I have my best friend that I have known since I was 2. We know everything about each other, but are also at different stages and 4 hrs apart. That's ok. And a few more from childhood that I talk to regularly, but live far away. Then the one that I made right after we got married, sans kids. Now one that is in our play date, text all day and have so much in common.
ReplyDeleteI think in each stage of life you find best friends. It kind of scares me. We will most likely move in the next 6-12 months and I am terrified of leaving my best friend and moving to a place where I don't know anyone.
This was a lot of randomness, but what I've been thinking about recently as well!
Degrees of friendship definitely evolve and change over time. I have thought about this as well, and also struggle with wanting to have a "best" (or heck, even "good") friend in close proximity, but of course that isn't as easy as it would seem. For the time being, I'm working to maintain existing friendships, and rekindle some those have faded. Either way, I think it's completely acceptable for each of us to have our own definition of "best" friend, and for that definition to change periodically, too.
ReplyDelete