I noticed this change in Drew a couple weeks ago and chalked it up to his 2nd molars. And then the constant hands-in-the-mouth and gallons of slobber cut back quite a bit and I realized it was more a 'phase' we had entered. Drew really has always been a pretty happy and easy baby and we've felt very lucky. Knock on wood, but we had never really seen him throw a tantrum or get terribly upset over something.
And then things changed.
I know everyone goes through this, but Good
LORD this child just spiked an immense level of independence out of the blue. If you pick him up for any reason lately when he's busy doing something else he squeals and pushes away from you with all his might. If this kid gets a short nap (
or no nap) at school, you do NOT attempt to leave the house in the evenings with him to run errands. He does what HE wants to do and goes where HE wants to go now and I'm afraid my little happy shadow that followed me around like a puppy dog is gone. I don't think he's at an age yet where he can understand reason, but we try to always be talking to him in hopes that he'll understand.
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| North Ridgeville Corn Festival carousel ride from Saturday |
The little stinker has also picked a few "buttons" to push of ours including putting his hands in the dogs' water bowl. I think we've grabbed his hands 3,742 times now and firmly said "no" followed by explaining how that's "yucky" and "ewwwww", but he continues to stick it in there every evening. I know he's too young to understand consequences, but I will admit it's hard to not get frustrated when a few small items continue to happen daily. Fortunately, I get so many hugs and kisses that my frustration never lingers.
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| Train ride with daddy and elephants at the zoo from Sunday |
Any tips and advice through surviving this autonomy phase are welcomed. It can be rough and we're just trying to figure out what works best with Drew. He's still a wonderful toddler and overall a happy baby, it's just that when it hits, IT HITS!
It's very frustrating, and you're never going to deal with it perfectly all the time. But I recently read a couple of articles that helped me with my patience level (now, if only I wasn't about 8 months pregnant...)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.examiner.com/article/seven-steps-to-ending-a-meltdown
http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/handling-anger
Noah is really well behaved, but he's almost 2.5. So obviously he has his "moments." For me, it really helps to remember that these are totally normal and healthy behaviours for toddlers. The best thing for me was realizing that I don't need to put an immediate stop to his unreasonable behaviours, and he's not going to be perfect.
I think I was feeling a lot of pressure to MAKE IT STOP every time he would have a meltdown. My parents were fond of the phrase "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" when I was growing up. Well, that approach has the OPPOSITE effect on my kid. Getting upset at him for being upset only makes him more upset. Before, I felt like allowing him to meltdown in private might roll over into meltdowns in public. It hasn't, so that fear was completely unfounded.
I've realized that I don't have to ignore his meltdowns, and I don't have to get angry at him for having them. The best approach for my particular child is to not get upset, and just sit patiently while he cries or freaks out. I always offer a hug or a cuddle, and after a couple of minutes he always wants one. Then he calms down while we're cuddling.
As for non-meltdown but still incredibly frustrating behaviour... well, we used time outs from 16 months up until a couple of months ago when he started diving out of his crib. Just 1 minute in his crib. He HATED it, but it worked FAST. He started actually listening and obeying. (I know some people disagree with time outs, but they saved my sanity for sure, and made for a much better behaved child. And they're certainly better than letting the anger build up to where you're wanting to smack your kid out of frustration!)
Like I said, Noah gets very upset when he knows we're upset at him, so he won't stay in time out unless he's trapped there. He would just leave a corner or a chair or whatever, while crying, to come find me for a cuddle. So when he started flipping out of his crib in a panic, we were screwed out of a time out spot.
Thankfully I discovered that taking him to his room 'for a talk' and sitting there with him, me against the door so he can't get out, is equally as effective. He's still crying and upset over 'getting in trouble,' but I can stay with him and be calm and remind him why it's happening. We stay in there for a maximum of 1 minute, but it always works.
Alright, enough of my babbling. Every child is so different, and so an approach that works for one child might not work for another. I hope you can find something that works for you. Parenting is a constant learning process, that's for sure!
Every kid is different, but this is totally the age to start whatever discipline you are choosing to use. For us, we use timeout. Give a warning first- if you touch the dog bowl again you will go to timeout. If he touches the bowl, then you say timeout for one minute for touching the dog bowl. Be firm but not mean. After one minute you gently and calmly explain why he went to timeout. Have him say sorry then exchange bugs and kisses. Worked very well for both my boys. As they got older and timeout didn't work each time, it went to something more harsh. It's a good age to teach consequences. It might take him a few eels to figure it out all, but they are smart!! It's a rough age- the terrible twos always hit waaaay before two, and from my experience, when they turn two it just gets easier! Good luck and the most important thing is just be consistent with whatever discipline you decide on!!!
ReplyDeleteMan, that sounds rough. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, I really like your new header. You have some slammin' freaking legs woman!
Good luck with Drew though. I have no helpful tips or insight on that one. :/ Just know that he WILL outgrow it.
ugh, i hate to say it's just the beginning. this age is so hard because they don't "get it" yet. i went to a Love and Logic class (after Coop was 2) and we really love their system. You can check them out on web and they have lots of books!
ReplyDeleteadam and i are always trying to be emotionless when disciplining but man, that can be hard! Just trust your instincts!!!
Harrison went through a phase similar to this as well except he would throw himself on the floor and have a little tantrum. Thank goodness it lasted from 18mos - 2 yrs. He doesn't really have meltdowns like that anymore. Just be patient. When one phase ends, another begins. He'll (and you) will get through it!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure we will be right behind you in this stage, and have already seen glimpses of it with Chloe which scares me. I wish I had some advice for you, but I will probably be referencing this post and the comments in a few months myself! Hang in there mama!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment on my blog!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some words of wisdom, but we pretty much feel like we have no idea what we SHOULD be doing, as his tantrums started about 18 months and are still going strong. REALLY STRONG. In fact, lately they are worse than ever. I think we saw an improvement there for awhile when he was starting to better be able to communicate his wants, but lately it's worse again, so we're not sure why. I will agree with Lauren above though, it definitely seems to be worse when we get upset too. And it's so hard to NOT do that when we are just at our wit's end! Good luck!