I know I'm an organizer. I love lists like you wouldn't believe and pretty much have an excel spreadsheet for everything in my life. But as I sit here organizing the Color Run for a big group of friends, I realized something that bothered me and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'll admit, I do have an issue with over-analyzing everything but maybe some of you have felt this same way as well?
In general, except for a dinner date with a new girlfriend last weekend, it occurred to me that I had not been invited to anything except for the usual kids birthday parties in a very long time. Now, before you think this is a pity party, it's not, I just don't get it. I have a good amount of friends up here, and some of them I'm super close with, and we are often getting together. Whether it's playdates or moms night outs or dinner dates or shopping trips, I feel like we're constantly seeing friends and doing things with them and/or their kids. But 96% of the time I'm the organizer. The last few nights out with friends (either couples or just the ladies) were organized by me. Most playdates were organized by me. The breakfast with Santa and pancakes with the Easter Bunny type events with friends as well as other outings with Drew/Ady's friends were all organized by me.
But here's where I get all deep and confused. Does that mean all of these people really aren't true "friends"? If I didn't plan another thing, would I get invited to anything? Deep, I told you, but it bugs me. I'm just keeping it real, but it bugs me seeing playdates that I wasn't invited to, or friends grab drinks and I wasn't invited. It more than bugs me, it hurts. I'm pretty sure none of my friends up here read this blog and I'm glad because I wouldn't want this to come off needy, and someday I'll laugh at this post, but if this blog is a journal, then this is my entry for today. I'm just in this weird limbo where I don't understand why people don't think of me when they plan get-togethers, Maybe that's just my role? They all know I'll organize something and they wait for that. And if that's the case, that's fine, but it would be nice to not always be in that role.
So, who wants to invite me over for a drink?
We all know I can't write a post without including a picture of the smallest family member....
I completely understand where you're coming from. I may not always be the organizer but living in such a small town it's hard to not get your feelings hurt when your "friends" are doing things without you (especially when they're few and far between). I get bummed when I see things like that too. I'd totally invite you over for a drink!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I have a certain friend that I'm always the one who organizes and it drives me crazy..in fact I even took a "break" to see how long it would take for her to ask us to do something! I have a feeling you are just on top of things and beat them to it! If you are a planner like I am, you want to get it on the calendar and you don't want to wait around for them to plan it!
ReplyDeleteI have always been the organizer, so I totally get it! Maybe it really is just a case of them knowing that you normally do it.
ReplyDeleteWe are like the same person in so many ways. Last night a girlfriend invited me to go out with her, and I was literally shocked b/c it's the first time in forever that *I* wasn't the instigator/organizer/whatever. I love being the organizer in a lot of ways, but it definitely gets old to realize that you're the only one doing it... or at least that you're not being invited when you're not the organizer. *sigh* I wish we lived closer and I'd totally love to get together with you for a drink!
ReplyDeleteI'm sort of like that too. I'm a natural leader. I take charge when no one else does. So I tend to see the gaps and say hey lets hang out! I also think ahead so I think I beat a lot of people to the punch. But for me last minute things don't work out so I look ahead at opportune times and plan events then.
ReplyDeleteBut I can 100% see how that can be discouraging and feel bad. I would say if you notice that someone can always plan things with other people and not you then perhaps the friendship isn't as good as you thought. Or maybe you should suggest a round robin of each month a different friend planning the group activity and see if that works?
I kinda feel that way sometimes. Social media doesn't help either. I saw on facebook that three friends were getting a pedicure. My feelings were hurt! I would love to have you over for a glass (or two) of wine!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in this. Your feelings are totally normal! I am also a group organizer.
ReplyDeleteA friend once thanked me for organizing get togethers. She said if I didn't everyone would just be sitting at home. It helped not feel like people didn't like me because they didn't initiate. They just don't think of it.
I always remember that if people didn't like me they wouldn't hang out. God has given us all different strengths and organizing is yours.
I'm right there with you. I'm pretty sure I'd never do anything with friends if I wasn't the one planning. I think most people just aren't as proactive. The world needs more organizers!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this so much! If I don't plan something I never see friends and the same goes for calling or texting long distance friends. If I don't initiate it I never hear from them.
ReplyDeleteI totally know where you're coming from. I feel hurt when I see friends get together without me, and it bothers me especially when it's people who I was friends with first and introduced to each other. It's weird. If you lived closer, I'd totally invite you over. Instead, I'll just say, PLEASE come to Traverse City someday (in the summer, when it's gorgeous and I'm not working). :)
ReplyDeleteI could have written this post! I feel like if I don't do the initiating or inviting or organizing, it doesn't happen. It hurts my feelings too. You are not alone and if we lived closer to each other, one of us could plan weekly drinks ;)
ReplyDeleteAshley
The Mrs. & Co.
I totally get where you are coming from. I've felt this same exact way on more than one occasion. And unfortunately in the past I've lost friends over this exact same thing, when I decided not to keep quiet about it and tell hem how I felt. But in the end, I realized they weren't true friends. Come to Maine, we'll go out for a drink! =)
ReplyDeleteI feel you on this. I'm a total planner and organizer. But, I'd love for somebody else to plan something or be in the lead on anything once and a while.
ReplyDeleteYes and yes. You aren't alone! I always felt this way, and this is the case with a few of our friends too. Don't feel bad, it's incredibly frustrating at times. Maybe they're just assuming that since you plan everything currently, you'll continue to? Sometimes it's hard to rationalize, but that's what my theory is in my case. Hope it gets better for you!
ReplyDeleteScott and I say this kind of thing often - especially in the summer. We are always the ones planning and organizing pool parities, bowling dates, and whatnot. I don't think it's that others don't want to invite us to their fun. I just think they don't want to do the work to plan something. It takes a lot to coordinate an event, even if it isn't intended to be anything huge.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I'd love to have a drink with you. I'll whip up a few Dole Whips (one with rum and one without) and have them ready by the beach. :)
Hey, I'm the organizer as well & it just seems to me that if I don't plan anything like a crafty night or whatever with the girls, nothing gets planned. So, it's not like I'm on the outside looking in but it just seems that I should be the one planning & hosting all these things. It does get frustrating & I'm actually frustrated by it right now, why can't someone else plan something & I come to their place? Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWell, I hope that things get better & that someone hopefully takes on that role once in awhile for ya.
Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/
Sarah I can completely relate to how you are feeling :( I usually organize everything between me/us and our friends. Most of them are not planner types at all, so if I didn't I don't think they would plan anything with anyone ever. lol! I so wish we lived closer to each other! I would be contacting you to get together in a heartbeat! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI usually start feeling down about my friendships in the summer since most of them are SAHM's and I am not. They get together during the day with the kids to swim and such and I feel left out and feel that Xavier is being left out :(
Oh girlfriend how I can relate.... I can't tell you how many times my feelings have been hurt over not being invited somewhere. And even more so because being a military wife and having to move so often and make new friends. But what hurts most is seeing all of those military wives who I am "supposedly" friends with, all hanging out or planning something and I haven't been told about it, or am not invited.... It hurts, plane as simple. I would invite you over for a drink if I could! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain! It hurts to see other's are getting together and you weren't invited. I feel like I'm always the one making contact, whether w/ a 'hello' text or an invitation to get together. I've wondered myself, don't they like me? Don't they think of me often like I think of them?
ReplyDeleteAside from that, hope you're having a great day! Has the weather warmed up for you guys? Here in SE Iowa we are at 54 degrees and rising! Spring is here!!! (And in another week we'll get hit w/ a freak snow storm, right?!? :) )
I know how you feel. I remember when I felt the worst about this kind of thing. We were in Guam and hosted both Easter and Christmas Eve at our house for the submarine wardroom (officers). We decided not to host when the following Easter rolled around. Jarrod and I were on our way to church Easter morning, drove by a friend/fellow officer's house, and saw that they had another family over. Tears welled up in my eyes. Then later in the day I saw pictures on Facebook of another Easter gathering at another friends house. I was so upset that we had hosted two major holidays, and were then spending one by ourselves because we didn't get invited anywhere. If you're ever in PA, you can totally come over here for drinks (or we can go out so that it's a kidless bloggy date)!
ReplyDeleteI feel this way because most of my close friends don't have kids so I think they just assume that I can't do many things - in all honesty, they are right. I think they leave it up to me to let them know when I can do things and they jump on board and are excited to get together, but yeah - I feel like I am more of the organizer just for the stage of life I'm in versus where they are. Next time you are in KC, call me and we can get our FOUR kids together! How were there only two last time and now there are four?!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand! I am only invited to stuff that involves children. If I don't initiate or plan, I am not invited to an adults only event.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, it's probably that people don't want to plan for it so they just don't. If someone is filling that need, why bother putting in extra effort. Planning is hard work, you know that!
ReplyDeleteI would invite you to get-togethers if you moved back to KC! :)
ReplyDeleteDUUUUUUUUUUDE - once again, I can totally relate. Even before we had kids, Andy & I were ALWAYS the organizers of get togethers. And we've actually vocalized the same concerns you wrote down. Sometimes I think when you become the organizer, it becomes your role and people just expect you to do it. Our one friend recently said "you haven't invited us over in ages" and I want to respond, "you've NEVER invited us to do something ever!".
ReplyDeleteSo yeah - totally get it. Totally.
Oh, Sarah, I'm going through the SAME thing right now. It goes a bit deeper than organizing, but I feel like I'm over-analyzing everything. Oh well....I would totally invite you over!
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