Thankful

The other night I was reading a message board post about the Staats family who had recently lost their 4 month old daughter out of the blue. I clicked the link to her blog (http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/2008/07/5-months.html) and began reading during the 5am feeding. I sat in silence and weeped. After seeing the pain the mother is going through, I began to feel anger at myself for the selfish moments I've felt over the past 7 weeks. I have so much to be thankful for and need to keep it in perspective when times get rough. Honestly though, our baby is such an angel that the 'rough times' are far and few. It's just that when they hit, they hit hard. Any new mother will agree.

So... I wrote out my thoughts. Turning negative into positive. Everything is a blessing in disguise.

• I am thankful for the cry as the clock reads 3:46 a.m. because it means I will be able comfort my boy without the assistance of a hospital nurse.
• I am thankful when I struggle to nurse because it means my boy doesn't have to eat from a feeding tube.
• I am thankful for his snotty nose and rare cough because it's the worst health issue I have to worry about right now.
• I am thankful for every night that it takes 2.5 hours to get him to sleep because I get to touch him as opposed to him being in a machine at some hospital.
• I am thankful for his screaming cries because it means his lungs are healthy.
• I am thankful for the times I have to wipe urine off the walls, dresser and floor when I'm not fast enough with a diaper because it means my baby's kidneys are functioning.
• I am thankful for the endless loads of laundry because it reminds me that he is not wearing hospital gowns.
• I am thankful for the blow-outs that happen outside the house because it means my boy is healthy enough to be out and about.

I am thankful for so much because right now, this family wants what I have. Good and bad.