I knew this day would come. What I didn't know would be that it would be by HER choice and not mine. I had no clue that on the morning of April 27th, I would nurse my baby girl for the very last time. And since we're probably done with kids, this means I will never have another snuggle up to eat and look at me while they drank to their hearts delight. It crushes me and it's been an emotional week.
This is my view now every time the worm is hungry.
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And it breaks my heart.
I know I should be proud of nursing her for 9 months, but I wanted to continue nursing her, at least just at night and in the morning for a few more months. But the little lady had different plans of her own. I'm not sure what happened but she just flipped like a switch. Arching, pushing away from me, biting (bad!), and doing anything she could to not have to nurse. Personally, I think she wised up and realized bottles were tons faster (thanks to having to go to daycare). And yes, I've tried it all. Literally, EVERYTHING. I do still offer her the breast first often, but nope. Since it's been a week and a half now, I've come to terms with it and have moved on. It still breaks my heart as I thought all babies loved nursing!
You can bet your butt that I'm still pumping though! Why? I still want her to get as much breastmilk as possible! So yes, it sucks that now I pump 7 days a week but it's my choice and I choose to continue. I have cut back to just 4 times a day and once she hits 10 months I'll cut down to 3 times a day. She's still probably getting 70% bm with 30% formula, but I'm assuming that will be at 50/50 soon with my cutting back on pumping.
Just so thankful the hubs snapped these pictures a few weeks ago before she decided she was done!
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It's just a good reminder that all good things must come to an end. Don't take anything for granted as you'll never know when it will be your last!
Perfect timing for this post!! I'm nursing my daughter that just turned 10 months old but am going to London for work 2 weeks before her first birthday so have been trying to cut back so I don't have to pump there. Ugh it's the worst- all of it. And the emotions surrounding it are overwhelming. Hang in there mama and be thankful you were able to provide her with all the liquid gold and spend those moments with her! Such a blessing ! (And I love those pics- going to make hubby snap one of me and my girl!)
ReplyDeleteI'm new to the blog. You have a beautiful little girl.
ReplyDeleteLove these pictures and congrats on being able to nurse her for this long! You rock--and you rock even more for continuing to pump! Well done, Mama!
ReplyDeleteSuch sweet photos! That sucks that she quit so abruptly. You are a rockstar for continuing to pump though!
ReplyDeleteWith my son I was able to nurse him until he was about 20 months, easy peasy, without any supplementation (what can I say? He's a total boob man). Edith has been an entirely different story. Around the time she was 5 months old I had to introduce formula because my supply was not keeping up despite every desperate effort on my part. It was really hard and I was really upset. She's just not nearly as interested in nursing as her brother was. I cried a LOT. What you're feeling is totally natural. You are doing a great job!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry :( you know how much this hits home to me with what happened to me in the hospital. I am thankful Crew latched back on and is still going strong, but it breaks my heart for you because I remember JUST how emotional I was when I thought it was done. Good for you for pumping though. And yes, be proud that she is 9 months and majority of her nutrition comes from food these days anyways. Thinking about you friend!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you're going through, so sending hugs your way. My daughter abruptly stopped nursing one day too- like you said, it was like a switch. I too tried for another 2 weeks, but it didn't happen. As much as I missed nursing, she still wanted to cuddle and rock together, so that made me happy. You are still a rockstar for continuing to pump, and I know you're a great mom :)
ReplyDeleteOh boy, it is emotional! I didn't get it until I had my experience with Drake. I'm sorry that day came earlier than you had anticipated; maybe just maybe you'll get to start nursing her again. I think it's awesome that you are committed to pumping though - that is not an easy task.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry! Big hugs! You've done a great job (and continue to do so with pumping)! Love these sweet photos, too.
ReplyDeleteLeland gave up nursing suddenly as well, though not until 15 months. I think for him it was because I was pregnant and it tasted different. Regardless of why she gave it up, you rocked it for 9 months, and that is awesome! And good for you for still pumping - it's so hard to do. Way to go, mama!
ReplyDeleteYou, like so many other amaze me with you ability to nurse for all those months. Xavier and I never had a good connection and after just 4 weeks we switched to formula and bottles. I tried to pump, but it just never worked out :( There are a lot of days I wish that I could have made it work, but it just wasn't in the cards for us. He is still a happy, healthy, smart kid so I try not to feel too bad about it :) Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, that little one is quite the beauty. Those eyes - wow!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, everything does go by so fast. It's almost scary sometimes how fast time flies. My oldest just turned 17 yesterday - 17! I miss the days of her snuggled up to me on the couch or doing her hair &/or makeup. I love that she's growing & becoming her own person but it's still sad for me not to have that little girl anymore. We must cherish every moment we have cuz the days/years fly by.
Hugs.
Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/
Such beautiful photos, Sarah. Taylor hit a strike way earlier than I wanted and never bounced back, so I totally know what you're going through.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for Alex - I was EPing by 6 months.
She's a beauty....
I just stopped pumping a few weeks ago. I was sad, which is weird because when I was doing it, I could not wait until it ended! But I'm fortunate enough that I pumped enough to have about 3 months worth in the freezer so Kate is still getting bm. Keep up the pumping!!
ReplyDeleteSuch beautiful pictures.
ReplyDeleteYou did such an awesome job for 9 months. Exclusive pumping is hard work but it is totally worth it!
These pictures are beautiful. Addy's eyes are gorgeous in that first photo. I'm sorry she didn't want to nurse as long as you would have liked for her too. I had a hard time nursing both of mine and we only made it about 3 months each time. They latched great, but I just never did produce enough for either of my babies. I'm always amazed by Moms who can nurse for so long. It is very hard work, but so rewarding.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for pumping! I know it's hard but I actually liked the scheduled breaks.
ReplyDeleteIt's such an accomplishment to be able to breastfeed as a working mom! I'm sure it must be hard to lose that with her, but you did good mama! And that's awesome that you're still able to pump for her.
ReplyDeleteYou've done an amazing job, mama! I love the photos that your husband took. I really wish I would have taken photos nursing Aubrey, you'll treasure them forever.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of hugs!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with more babies!!! :)
ReplyDeleteOh man, what a little turd! We struggled with Harvey around that time and he eventually relented a nursed 2x/day after that for a little while longer, but he was never really all about it like Stella was, and I don't think it phased him one whit to stop. Don't they know how emotional it is for their Mommys?! :)
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, kudos to you for getting so far with it (9 months is amazing!) and for still pumping. Damn I hated the pump, but it really is so great for being able to continue to provide that milk when the stinkers won't nurse.
Beautiful photos!