Sometimes as I watch Drew experience and take in the world around him, I stand back and have a small chuckle to myself. My thoughts trail back to the months and months of "research", message-boarding and consumer report reading I did before I even met him in person. I've posted here about preconceived notions that I had early on, but since then it's amazing how things change in general.
I don't know what it is about pregnant women, but I've never googled so many questions and spent so much time on websites learning about 'what to do and don't do' with a baby. I'm sure many of you did the same thing before your little ones came, telling yourself you were officially mentally prepared for a baby due to the hours you've spent online. I personally imagined small things like years of keeping Drew in our grocery cart cover to ensure germs wouldn't touch his skin. Or not using the word 'no' often in our household to form a positive environment and constantly loading the kids hands up with sanitizer. I can't fathom how much time I spent reading what others suggested online instead of realizing that my instincts would trump them all one day.
It was probably within 6-8 months of Drew's life that I noticed I had forgotten to clean the highchair before he sat in it. Or I noticed his shirt had food all over it and it didn't really bother me. I noticed we really didn't use our grocery cart cover anymore and eventually that I was using the word 'no' with him a lot. All of the ladies from the message boards pop in my mind from time to time and I think how they would feel about me. Would they judge how I've become as a mother? Or have they fallen into a similar, much more carefree role in their lives?
I'm excited to NOT be on message boards and google 80 million things before we have another child. Although I've only done it only once, I feel confident in trusting myself and my pediatrician for that first year of life. To me, they are a waste of time now and only make you second guess every little action you do, or forget to do as a mother. My friends, mother, mother-in-law and pediatrician have all provided me with plenty of suggestions/techniques that have molded me into a better mother.
Anyone else spend hours and hours on message boards pre-baby like me?
I definitely turned to the internet while I was pregnant to learn as much as I could because JJ and I had zero experience with babies, my mom is gone, and hardly any of my friends have kids. I will say in my opinion experience is the best form of learning...you can read all you want, but until you go through it with a child, you don't know if those message boards will even pertain to the situation so it might end up being a huge waste of time. More than anything I turn to my blog now if I have a question about a diaper rash, or disciplining a toddler...I trust you ladies more than I trust people hiding behind a message board. I think you have done a fabulous job raising Drew and I bet most mom's have fallen into a more carefree role like you said.
ReplyDeleteI actually did not spend any time on message boards. Honestly I avoid a lot of women on women situations, just because I find that sets things up for lots of judging. And I just don't handle that well!
ReplyDeleteI have been lucky to find some great, non judgy women through IF blogs, but I stick to that!
And it's funny, because I am super type A, but as a mom I am actually super laid back. Our baby proofing was basic and if she winds up eating a Cheerio that is on the floor from yesterday it won't kill her.
I am with you, I would rather spend my time enjoying and nurturing my baby than "protecting" her from the world.
I stop by the message boards on occasion and all it does is frustrate me. Every six month old is walking and saying the alphabet and unless your baby is in all organic clothing and never touching a processed food, your baby will grow up to be a bad person.
ReplyDeleteY'ok.
I'll just do what my gut tells me to do.
Oh those message boards...they were good in the beginning to help ease my fears but then I would see horrible stuff and it would freak me out. I work with neurodevelopmentally delayed kiddos and so you would think that I would "know what to look for" but I still worry. I have gotten more lax on all of my parenting and I am really just enjoying my daughter.
ReplyDeleteNow if we get pregnant again...I hope I don't scour the message boards for everything:-)
Great post! The amount of information that is out there is just overwhelming, especially for pregnant women and new moms. Every person, family, situation is different which makes the internet more harmful than helpful. I appreciate hearing other moms stories and opinions though! But like you said, it is best to go off of your own instincts and what your pediatrician {who knows your situation} advises.
ReplyDelete